Awakened
by arrek125
Summary: A human with a boring and infuriating life falls asleep after one hard day. Based on Pokemon Mystery Dungeon
1. Chapter 1

Once again, it was a late night. I did not have the best day. To begin with, I spilt my coffee all over my lap, scalding hot. Then, traffic decided to be an utter bitch to deal with. I was late to work, which wasn't even want to be at anyways. Kim let me know that the company wasn't too pleased with my performance as of late. When I was driving home, somebody threw something at my car and chipped my window. It's not been the best. When I got home, I tried collapsing on my bed, but somehow missed and instead fell on the floor. I grasped at the ground, just wanting to get this day over with. I closed my eyes, and the terrible day drifted away. But tomorrow is another day.

* * *

I had no dreams. Last night was soundless, unlike many I've had. Nothing interrupted my slumber. When I began awakening, however, I noticed something was off. My carpet was softer than what I was sleeping on, or so I thought. My eyes opened, showing a haze clouding my vision. I hate the mornings. All I would need is some coffee to really pep me up.

Then I notice something that's not quite right. There's a breeze against me. I don't remember having my fan on. In fact, I don't think even if I did turn it on it could actually reach me on the floor. I blinked several times, trying to clear my vision. I noticed I was laying on my stomach, so I tried to make an effort to roll myself onto my back. It was easier to get up that way.

Once I was actually on my back, my eyes adjusted. Instead of the haze, there was now pure blue. That wasn't normal. Oh god, what if I were going blind? I tried turning my head, and I saw… Trees. Trees are new. Next to the trees were some thick bushes. I looked at the ground, and saw green grass and some flowers. I most certainly did not go to sleep here. Where the fuck am I?

I tried getting to my feet, but saw the feet I had were blue. Oh. I looked at my arms, and saw they, too, were blue. They also looked like they had little claws. Oh no. What the fuck happened to me?

I was having a minor panic attack. I've probably contracted some horrible disease after I got kidnapped in the middle of the night, or there was some really bad mistake.

A creature came out from the bushes, and the closest thing I can even try to resemble it to is a beetle with a mask for a head. The mask reflected the light, and had giant blue eyes. It was half my height. Holy hell. I seriously hoped it wouldn't want to kill me because I was still learning just what the fuck was going on.

It's eyes lit up, and I heard a feminine voice say, "Oh, hello! Are you okay?" I couldn't respond. I was dumbfounded. This physically and mentally cannot be real. That's it. I'm inside an insane asylum somewhere, driven to this by daily life.

The thing walked closer to me, and I heard that same voice say, "Hello?" The thing then waved its… Leg at me. The light reflected off of that into my eyes, hurting them ever so slightly. I moved my hands up to my eyes, and I heard the voice gasp. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that."

Time to face the facts. I was criminally insane. Last night was my breaking point. I am now in a crazy world where I am no longer myself. I am being talked to by a, I'm pretty sure, metal beetle with a mask. All these things combined with the fact I haven't figured out how to walk was deeply upsetting.

The beetle's mask tilted a little bit. "Are you… Mute? I know some Pokemon are, and I don't judge!" It was now shaking its head. All I did in response to all this was sigh. It perked right up. "Oh! You are awake! I just thought that, maybe, you know, some Pokemon sleep with their… Eyes… Open, wow, I'm sorry, I talk a lot and I'm not sure you can actually respond and it's making me kinda feel bad, and I'm sorry, please don't be too mad," the beetle thing said extremely quickly. It started off alright, but it seems to be having a nervous breakdown.

"What?" was all I could muster. The thing then sighed.

"So you aren't mute! Okay, I'm sorry, I assume a lot, it's a terrible terrible habit, but you know, I think it makes sense since I know a lot and if you know you can assume, right?" It awaited a response, which I seriously could not do right now. It's eyes opened wide as it stared at my legs. "Wait, are your legs broken? You haven't even used them once. Oh, or maybe you're one of those pokemon who can't use their legs very well and- or maybe you're just waking up, is that the one?"

I nodded in response. This beetle seriously couldn't shut up and let me concentrate on the whole 'getting off my ass' thing I needed to do. "Oh okay!" it said. "Sorry, I might have been a little loud, I have a tendency to do that sometimes," it then said in a hushed tone. I could care less if it was quieter or louder, it just needed to not talk for a whole minute. "Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. This whole time you were just talking to a stranger…" I have said a grand total of a single word and you consider this a talk. "My name is Brittany. You can just call me Aron if it's easier for you."

"Tony," I replied. I think I got the whole leg joint thing down. I barely even had much of a leg joint to begin with.

"Tony the Totodile! Your name has awesome alliteration!" What was this bitch on about?

I jumped up a little bit, jolting my whole system with some energy, and was finally on my legs. Now that I was standing, I was… More or less the same height. Awesome. My legs no longer account for my height. "I hate mornings." This statement caused the beetle thing, whatever the hell it called itself, to look up into the sky.

It looked back down and said, "But it's the afternoon?" How the fuck can you tell?! You don't have a watch or phone!

"I hate waking up." Suddenly, a butterfly came out from one of the bushes, and it had… Tears. I was unaware butterflies could cry. Or that they were gigantic. This thing was a good head over me in size. What kind of mental fantasy is this?  
"Somebody, please! Help me!" The beetle thing looked shocked and faced the giant beast. I would look shocked too if I wasn't already.

"What's wrong?" it asked.

"It's horrible! My Caterpie fell into a cavern! My poor baby!"

"What?!" the thing shouted. Welcome to the real world, children get themselves into trouble. Look, I'm sure the rescue teams are on their way. What I'm concerned about is what the actual hell you are.

"A huge fissure opened in the ground, and my Caterpie fell in!" I'm pretty sure earthquakes give a ton of warning signs. It's your own damn fault. "He's too young to crawl out by himself!"

"Boo hoo," I commented quietly. Nobody seemed to notice.

"When I went to get my baby, Pokemon suddenly attacked me!" What the fuck is a Pokemon and why is that my problem?

"Huh? You were attacked? By other Pokemon?" the beetle thing asked.

"Wow, it's like she just said that!" I said aloud.

"Woah, you are grumpy. Excuse him, he just woke up. But other Pokemon?"

"They must be enraged by the fissure and out of control… At least, that's what I think. I'm not strong enough to fend off those wild Pokemon…" The tears welled up in its eyes. "What will become of my baby?" Probable death, I assumed. "Oh! What am I to do!? Oh dear, oh-"

"If you're going to be a damn drama queen about it, why not save him yourself? You have WINGS!"

"I told you, I can't fend off those wild Pokemon!"

"Well if a giant butterfly like yourself can't do it, what are you expecting us-"

"We have to go help! Let's go, Tony!" The thing started pushing me with its mask, which was really unpleasant, so I decided to go along with it. I tried walking and found it to be more of a waddle. It worked, but it was really awkward.

"How exactly are we supposed to do this?"

"There are two of us!"

"Yeah, but if that giant thing couldn't fight-"

"It's a Butterfree."

"Butterfly. Giant butterfly couldn't fight off a pack of these things, how are we, a bunch of midgets, supposed to have a chance?!"

"What does 'midgets' mean?"

"A midget would be someone like you. Really short."

"Huh. I like it!" It's derogatory, you stupid beetle. We continued running for a while, and somehow I kept up the whole way. Waddling is apparently effective with these legs.

We had reached our destination, and it definitely looked like a fissure. The beetle jumped down, and I decided to go down the smart way, which involved sliding down the rock face. When I reached the bottom, the beetle was staring at me with its blue eyes. "What?"

"Where do we go?"

"How am I supposed to know?! I've never been here!"

"Me neither, but there's no need to yell about it." There were many reasons to yell.

"Last night was terrible, but I think this one takes the cake. I'm officially insane."

"What do you mean?" I finally had some way to vent.

"Okay, so last time I woke up, I was a completely normal human. Maybe an ingrown toenail, but I was going to fix that in a few weeks." There was a pause.

"Wait, a completely normal human? What's that?" That one was a given.

"I don't think it matters anymore. Do you know what I am?"

"A Totodile, silly. You must have hit your head in your sleep." So I was a crocodile.

I focused on the road ahead rather than on my imaginary 'friend'. I don't know I could have come up with this. I decided to move into a little opening. I walked on over to it, and saw a bird. It looked at me with a look I wasn't too familiar with.

"Is that a Pokemon?" I asked.

"Yes. A Pidgey." Pigeon. Okay. I could probably kill a pigeon.

"Does it have rabies or something?"

"What's that?" For being a thing that 'knows a lot', it sure didn't know shit. This pigeon wasn't waiting for us, though. It started walking over to us, trying to look intimidating. "Oh! I've never fought anything before."

"That inspires a lot of confidence."

"But I- I- I have read some books on this stuff!" Great. That's like going into a boxing ring, and then saying 'I don't need to fight you, I already know all your moves.'

The pigeon straight up charged at me with its beak out, ready to gut me. Then I noticed it was about half my size. I could deck this pigeon so hard. I gave it the nastiest look I could, and it actually showed a little bit of fear. I was about to whoop this defenseless animal's ass. PETA, eat your heart out.

When its beak was in grabbing distance, I maneuvered a little out of the way, and grabbed its head. I then tried to throw it on to the ground by leading it then pulling it around me. It was to no effect. What the hell? I know how to throw people on the ground, I was part of a wrestling team. Maybe I forgot a few things, but I was sure when you're twice the size of your opponent, you had a distinct advantage in the throwing of them department.

"What are you doing?!" the beetle thing yelled.

"Taking it down!"

"You can't do that, you aren't strong enough yet."

"Bitch, does this look like a game to you?!"

"No, but as a low level Totodile, I think you can only scratch your opponents and give them mean looks." Well ain't that something. I can scratch and I can flip them off. Fucking. Fantastic. This morning keeps getting better and better.

So I did just that. The pigeon was readjusting, so I pawed at it like a cat. Its eyes went white and it was knocked backwards. It even fell on its back. "Woah! It fainted in one hit." How. Many. Drugs. This is not real.

I turned back to the opening and proceeded to walk down it till there was a ramp leading downward. "Maybe the Caterpie is down there." I seriously debated whether or not it was worth playing along anymore. What even is a Caterpie?!


	2. Chapter 2

Down the ramp was a pigeon, a purple rat with oversized teeth, and a… A pile of gold coins? What? Who leaves that anywhere? I could buy a small African country with that. My hands instinctively went to where I kept my wallet, but then I remembered something. I don't have pockets. Fan. Tast. ICK.

"Oh no! I'll take the pidgey, you take care of that rattata!" Ah. So I was right. A rat. Not a caterpie.

I grunted in response, and got myself in a fighting position, my fists up and ready to deliver pain. Then I remembered something again. Apparently, I can't roundhouse this kid, I could only 'scratch' it. I dropped my hands in complete annoyance. The rat slowly approached me, and I could hear something hitting something behind me. I looked, and saw the beetle thing smack its head into the pigeon.

When I looked back in front of me, the rat was right there. I jumped up in surprise, which was… Weird. I'm not used to actually jumping when I get surprised, but that was just another problem with being a crocodile, I guess. When I jumped, the rat lowered its head and jumped at me, ready to smash into me.

Little did it know, I am a master of dodging. I moved out of the way effortlessly, and saw it crash into the ground. I decided to flip it off, which made it seem just a little bit worse for wear for some odd reason. Easily offended, I guess. It tried doing the same thing, which resulted in me doing the same exact thing.

This time, instead of flipping it off, I scratched it with little to no care about how I did it. Its eyes went white and it stayed on the ground, going limp. Woohoo, I got him. That was so difficult. Seriously, how easy was this going to be? That giant butterfly couldn't just touch these guys and make them fall down? Unbelievable.

"Good job, Tony! You handle yourself really well! Though I was wondering just what you were doing with your hand, there. "Also, I think I might have leveled up!"

"I… Don't get it, but good for you?" This bitch is seriously weird. Then again, I am on an acid trip. Probably.

"Yeah, I think I'm just a little bit stronger, now!"

"That's great."

"You think you'll level up some time soon? Looks like you already know how some moves work!"

"Maybe I will. Who knows," I said without any enthusiasm.

"Maybe! Now come on, we have to find that caterpie." I don't know what that is. I moved over to the pile of coins, and just looked at them longingly before turning around and going towards a corridor. "Hey, are you just gonna leave these?"

"I don't have pockets!"

"Yeah, but you have a pouch, right?"

"No? Do you?"

"Of course." And out of nowhere, the thing pulls out a purse thing and somehow moved all the coins into it. Just like that, the purse was gone before my very eyes. "Okay, let's go!"

"How did you… Where do you keep that thing?" The beetle just winked at me and left me without an answer. That's the best I'm going to get. I turned back to the corridor and proceeded at a slow pace. I wasn't really feeling the whole 'rescuing whatever-the-hell-it-was' vibe that the beetle felt.

We eventually found another downward ramp. I went down it, and saw on the next level a seed thing and a large blue berry. "A sunkern! And an oran berry!" I think I understood all the weird names. They were all slang for what they were. So, this is the most racist society ever, but with all the races or species, I'm not surprised.

I made my way over to the seed thing, which somehow moved closer to me. "Watch out! Grass types are really strong against water types, like you!"

"I honestly don't think this is going to be a problem." I moved my hand up, ready to scratch the thing and be done with it, but then I felt a creeping pain over my body.

After a double take, I saw little whitish-green orbs flying out of my body and into the seed. Its mouth, or what I thought was a mouth, was open, sucking all of the orbs in. Alright. What else does this little trip have in store for me?

I let my hand come down, scratching it slightly, feeling a little weaker than before. That said, it fell back, presumably 'fainted' or what I like to call 'fucking wasted'. I turned back to the beetle and crossed my arms. I'm just assuming it knows what went on there.

"Oh! It used absorb on you. That oran berry over there should make you feel better." It lifted a leg and pointed at the berry. I went over to it, picked it up, contemplating just what I was doing, then decided to hell with it and threw it into my mouth.

When I bit down, it felt like a gusher fruit snack. Had the same taste, had goo, all that. It was… Fuck, it felt good! I felt a little bit more awake, and I felt like all the things the seed did was reversed and then some. That said, the taste was lacking anything sweet, but that was alright. I didn't really like sweet things that much.

I looked for the next corridor to venture down. Once again, I was back on track. Or at least I felt like I was until Ms. Peachy, which'll be its name from now on because of how fucking cheery it is, decided to bother me.

"Hey, I think you might have levelled up."

"Great. Let's have a party, why don't we?"

"Really? A party down here? I don't think that's very safe, and we still have… A… Oh, you didn't mean that." Holy shit. Something was getting through its thick skull, which was probably made of steel.

"Welcome to sarcasm."

"Sarcasm? That's a weird word. Never really heard of it before… Do you know the definition off the top of your head?"

"How about you figure it out? You know, use your head?" The thing gasped.

"That's a great idea! Okay, I'll try figuring it out." Sweet silence came back. Eventually, we found another ramp. We went down it, and I could hear something crying. That was never a good sign.

"Hey, I think that's the caterpie… That was way easier than I thought it'd be."

"Could just be a girl in a white dress that's going to kill us," I murmured.

"What?" it asked.

"Nevermind, let's go get it." I went down the stairs and found a caterpillar facing a wall.

"Mommy, where are you?" Oh. So that's a caterpie. Slang once again.

Ms. Peachy ran past me, shoving me off to the side as she shouted, "We came to rescue you!" The caterpillar turned around, and I could see a red antennae thing on its forehead. I walked right up next to Ms. Peachy.

"Huh?" it said. Its eyes were really large, and watering. Looked like it was crying for a while.

"Your mom's waiting! Let's get you out!"

"Ok," the caterpillar said. Its eyes were suddenly dried. Ooookay.

"Stick behind that one," I pointed at Ms. Peachy. I turned around and got ready to head back the way we went. I picked up the pace as Ms. Peachy made conversation with the thing.

It was on the third ramp up there was another rat. The way back up the fissure was pretty clear. "Go. I got this," I said to Ms. Peachy.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay… Come on, Caterpie, let's get out of here!" They ran to the way up, and I focused on the rat.

It full on sprinted at me, and flung itself at me. This, I did not expect. I got blasted backwards, and fell onto my back. Did that hurt? Very much so. But what this guy's gonna feel is gonna be at least seven times worse. Why seven? Because that's the lucky number for this unlucky punk.

I rolled over, pushed myself up, and reared back a punch. It tried tackling me again, and I tried punching it as it came in. Thing is: Entire bodies beat a fist. Once again, I fell back. My body was really starting to take a toll, an intense pain surrounding my hand. Once again, I had to push myself back up.

Once I was up, I sighed in anger, and suddenly a gush of water flew out of my mouth. It splashed into the rat, and it flipped back, landing on its back with its eyes white. I'm… Okay, that was new. I swear I sighed once before, and that didn't happen. I know for a fact it didn't happen before. I'd remember something like this.

With that little revelation over and done with, I wandered after the two animal-things. I climbed up the fissure, which was a little tough since I was starting to really feel those hits I took. Seriously, I was doing so good, then that happened.

Once I got to the top, Ms. Peachy looked back and saw me have a tough time. She turned around and rushed towards me. "Tony, I'm sorry I didn't stick around! I didn't know you'd get hurt, I thought you had-"

"We have a thing to save or whatever. Focus on that," I impatiently muttered. To be frank, I just wanted another one of those berries. They seemed pretty alright.

"Oh, right! Sorry." Ms. Peachy turned around and went back to the caterpie. I waddled behind, or maybe hobbled. It took a few moments, but we found the giant butterfly.

The butterfly and the caterpillar hugged, I think, and when I got up to the little party, the two of them were looking at the two of us.

"My baby's safe. I'm sorry, but I don't know how I could ever properly thank you…"

"Keeping a closer eye on your child would be nice," I said quietly. Ms. Peachy gave me a look before looking at the butterfly.

"That's ok! It's been dangerous lately with sudden quakes and fissures like that one."

"Please, may I have your names, at least?"

"I'm Aron," Ms. Peachy said. Yeah, no, your name is Ms. Peachy.

"Tony."

"Cool…" the caterpillar said. I almost forgot he was here and- JESUS THOSE EYES. It's like I was a hero or something. Do I seem like a hero, kid? Because you create another problem, you'll see just what kind of hero I am. I really hope things like this don't become a normal occurrence. "Thank you, Aron and Tony!"

"I know it isn't really enough, but this is a token of our thanks. Please accept it," the butterfly said while holding out one of those blue berries, a pink berry, and a seagreen berry.

"This is more than enough!" I shouted and grabbed all three of the berries. I downed the blue one instantly, and everything felt so great. What are these, drugs? I then downed the green one, and found it to be really bitter and cold. Not a good combination. I almost coughed it out.

"Oh, I'm glad! Again, thank you so much. Goodbye!" And thus, they ran off, the caterpillar sparing a few more glances at us.

I decided to bite into the pink berry, and found it to be way too sweet. I actually spit it out, a bit of pink goo spilling onto the ground. "Ugh. That was awful. Hell of a thank you gift…"

Then Ms. Peachy faced me. "Thank you for helping! You're very tough. I guess I was a little impressed."

"A little?"

"Okay, very!" I decided to sit down, and thought about my situation.

I was in a weird, animal run world with a metric fuckton of slang in it. Actual fighting doesn't work, but sighing results in water. I didn't have pockets, and I was stuck with this bitch for the past hour or so. It looks like now, however, she's going to go, and I'm not going to have anywhere to go because I don't have the faintest idea of what the hell was going on with the world here.

Overall, I'm screwed.

"So… What are you going to do? Do you have any plans?"

"I dunno, dying out in the wild seemed like a great alternative to seeing what else I could get myself into today."

"Dying out here? But that'd be terrible and… Oh! Sarcasm! Ha, I think? Is it supposed to be funny?" Please, somebody reasonable save me. There was a small pause as I face palmed. Then, Ms. Peachy got a little closer to me. "Listen, Tony, if you don't have a place to stay, you should come with me." And now I was going to a homeless shelter. Could this day get ANY better?


	3. Chapter 3

I had nothing else to do, so I followed the beetle. I didn't really want to go to a homeless shelter, nor was I really feeling up to going anywhere but back to my room, my job, and my overall steady life. Lonely, but steady. It's how I liked it.

Ms. Peachy tried conversation, but it was more or less her just talking about things I could care less about. Seriously, did it ever shut up?

"And to this day, nobody knows if Diglets or Dugtrios actually have legs! And here it is. This is the place!" it said excitedly, stopping in its tracks. This caught me off guard, and I actually tripped over onto my face. On the bright side, I could see the house. "You're so clumsy, Tony," it teased before laughing. I thought it was laughter, anyways.

It was a wooden hut place with a straw roof over a pond. A flag pole with a flowing white banner was to the left side of it. The middle section of it was almost entirely windows, and there was a large entryway without a door. There were many wooden bridges here and there near the house.

It looked awful.

And I was supposed to live in that? I can't even have class in my acid trips, hallucinations, or insane double life. I frowned while on the ground. I just felt so unimpressed by the place. There isn't even a door! If this isn't the worst excuse for a homeless shelter I had ever seen, I'm not a blue crocodile.

"Oh, Tony, you're impressed, aren't you?" Its eyes were squinting, as if happy or something.

"Not really. There isn't even a door."

The beetle's eyes opened wide. "What? I thought this would be a good place for you to live... Water pokemon enjoy water, so I was sure you would've liked it," it said really unenthusiastically. I'd say sadly, even. I never thought I'd see the day I'd make a beetle feel bad, but you know what? Today's pretty special already. Let's put the icing on the cake.

"That's a bit racist, don't you think? I never learned how to swim, so why would I enjoy being sur-"

"You what?!" it interrupted loudly.

"I don't know how to swim." I lived in a city, so I never really saw a reason to learn. With the way I was living, I wouldn't have any reason to go swimming until I was retired.

"That's… That's impossible. All water pokemon know how to swim."

"Hi, I'm Tony, and I don't know how to swim. Sorry to disappoint. Speaking of disappointing, the place is fine enough. How many people are here?" If there are more than fifty, I think I'd prefer living outside.

"Um… You? If you want, I can move in. My home is really small and rocky and I could use some extra room for my books." I looked back to the hut. That was all for me? Holy shit. I take back everything, this is fine.

"Nevermind what I said before, this place is awesome." Its eye lit up.

"Oh, okay! What made you change your mind?"

"I thought there'd be, like, twenty people in there," I replied with wonder. I was thinking of all the renovations I could get for the place. This was essentially my house. My house, my rules, right? I usually had to live in an apartment, so I never really got to feel like I was living in a big place that was mine.

"Oh no, just you. Though, if you don't mind sharing, I'd um… Well I'd like to live there, too," it said, getting quieter and quieter as it went on.

"Why not? Looks like it could fit you and me." For the first time in a while, I think I was in a halfway decent mood.

"Yay! I'll get moved in after I finish up explaining things here." It's a house, I can figure it out. It's not like this is a tour, or a housewarming party.

"I think I can figure it out from here," I said with all the confidence I could muster. To be frank, I wanted to just collapse on a bed and wake up where I should have been the whole time. I swear, I'm going to wake up either in the middle of an alley, in a gurney, or late for work.

"Oh, um… Well, I'll just show you a few things anyways." It bumped into a mailbox and said, "This is your mailbox. They deliver mail from Pokemon here. You know, Pokemon like the ones we helped today." It said that in a way that's it's going to lead to something. Wait, how did I not notice that mailbox before? It's huge!

"Yeah?"

"Yes. A lot of natural disasters have been happening lately, and Pokemon are suffering because of it. I want to help Pokemon in these tough times!"

"Hero spiel aside, what does this have to do with me?" I asked while finally getting up from the ground. It was a lot more effort on my part due to the whole crocodile thing.

"To the point? I like it! Um… Well, I really like how you handled yourself while rescuing Caterpie, so do you wanna… Form a rescue team?"

"Nah," I said. I started to move past it, but it blocked me.

"Tony, with you, I think we could become the world's best rescue team! Please?" I was going to forget all of this in the morning anyways.

"Sure," I said offhandedly. "Now can you get out of the way? I kind of want to go to-"

"Perfect!" Ms. Peachy practically squealed, "That's it, then! We're partners in our rescue team from now on, Tony! Glad to have you on board!"

"Woo-fucking-hoo. Move, please."

"For the team name…" it started excitedly, then fell into thought. "Well, I don't have one yet. So, Tony, what do you think would be a good name for us?"

"Team Chucklefuck, move," I tried to assert.

"Chucklefuck! I like it, it's a good name for us! It's perfect for us," it said, then striking some sort of pose. "Rescue Team Chucklefuck!" it then returned to a normal pose. "Let's do good starting tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure, dude." I decided to barge on past the thing. Words weren't working. I then went into the house, finding a bunch of stones, some pools, a strip of water running around the perimeter, and a pot.

There wasn't a bed. I found a little stone structure in the middle of the house, and decided that might as well work. So, I fell hard, closed my eyes, and prayed to god I'd be back. I better be back in my apartment. If not, I will smack that beetle with no warning.

Thus, I drifted into a deep sleep.

* * *

The reason I know it was a deep sleep was because when I woke up, bookcases were now present in the room as I awoke. Also, I was in the same damn place. One, how did I not wake up? Two, I'm still here. I hate everything.

I get myself up. Okay. I made myself a deal. Where's the beetle? I looked around, feeling quite awake. I heard a page turn, and I tried to look around. I saw the beetle laying down, facing away from me. Perfect.

I crept up as quietly as I could on the beetle. There was a book in front of it. I personally could not see which one based off text, nor did I really care at this point. Caring was for after I fulfilled a self promise.

Once I was safely behind the beetle, I raised my hand up, ready to slap it. I had just come up with a great one liner for this very occasion. "Boo, motherfucker!" And thus, my hand came down just as I yelled.

When it hit, it fucking hurt. As it happened, hitting metal is a bad idea. Hindsight would tell me that, but it always seems a little too late. I grabbed at my hand in some attempt to stop the pain.

The shriek I heard from the beetle was loud and rewarding. It instantly whipped around, its eyes wide. "Wh-Why would you d-do that!?" it asked shakily.

"No reason. My morning's just that much worse."

"It's t-the afternoon!" it said, still shaken up.

"Emphasis on my."

"What makes you t-think it's okay to touch a girl there?!" What.

"I dunno, it seemed appropriate at the time? Where exactly did I touch?"

"You know where!"

"No, I kind of don't. Inform me," I said, really hoping I didn't slap what I think I did. I'd hate it if I accidentally hit its thorax or its tits or whatever. I shouldn't have touched it, actually. Should have just stayed asleep the moment I saw water.

"W-well you just smacked a very…" it murmured something, then said quietly, "area."

"A very what area?" Another murmur. "What?"

"It's an erogenous area," it quietly said. The fuck does that mean?

"Well, sorry. It hurt me, too." It once again murmured something of a negative. "What was that?"

"Nothing! With that out of the way, I've been reading up on rescue teams, and today is our very first day!" Oh yeah. I agreed to that. What was I thinking? "Let's always do our very best!" It looked extremely happy, then slowly it started to look more and more normal. Is it weird I can tell when it has a plain expression just from the eyes and mask tilt?

"What's up?"

"We don't have any job offers yet…" It then began laughing sadly. "I guess we're just a starting team, so- oh wait!" It shot up. I think it even jumped a little. "The mailbox! Maybe there's something in it! Come on!" It blazed a trail, bursting out of its makeshift library and expecting me to follow behind. It was way too early in the morning for this.

I decided to get a move on and followed the thing outside. Might as well, right? What else was I gonna do, read? I don't even know if they have the good stuff in my insane dream. I can only think of it as an insane dream. I'm sure an acid trip would have ended hours ago.

Maybe I'm in a coma? That would suck. So I'm here till they pull the plug, I guess. That's way more dark than my other theories, but it's just as likely. Can I even afford the hospital bills? It'll probably put me into such a huge debt, I'd lose everything and still owe the healthcare industry. Probably would have to sell a kidney. I quite liked my insides being inside of me.

But that's something to worry about when I'm back where I belong. I followed the thing with that realization in mind, and saw it being all excited about a box. "I knew it'd be in there!"

"What would be where?"

"Our starter set, for our rescue team." That. Yes. That was a thing.

"What's inside it?" I asked, not really interested. I bet it's just a bunch of stickers that say 'You did it!' or some other bullshit.

"Let's find out," it said before kicking open the box. I was close enough to get a good look. Inside was a satchel bag that I wouldn't be caught dead with, a stupid looking badge, and what looked like some newspaper. "Yes, there are some good things in here!"

"Looks like a bunch of ads to me."

"Oh no, these aren't ads. Take a look at this," it pointed at the badge. I'd rather had a sticker, actually. "This is a Rescue Team Badge! It shows that we're a rescue team."

"Can we get a sticker instead? I don't really want to carry that around."

"No, silly, anybody can fake a sticker. But nobody can fake this badge!" How the fuck does that logic work? It pointed a leg at the satchel. "This is a toolbox. You use it for carrying around items that we find."

"Toolbag."

"Toolbox."

"Bag."

"Box."

"It's a fucking bag."

"FIne, toolbag! Doesn't have the same ring to it, but apparently you aren't as into this as I am," it said rather aggressively. How long did it take for it to figure that out?

"Hey, I'm just saying it looks more like a bag than it does a box."

"But it's the novelty! Rescue teams used to haul around a box instead of a bag, so we call them toolboxes." How dumb are these guys to haul around a box?

"Whatever. Call it a box, call it a bag, call it Tony. Next item?" It focused back on the actual box.

"Finally, a copy of the Pokemon News," it pointed at the newspaper. Ugh, spam in the mail. Honestly, the only useful thing here is the bag. "It's useful for rescue team. I'll put it back in the mailbox for you to read later." Ha, as if. It got up on its hind legs and shoved the news in there, somehow holding onto it. It then looked in the mailbox with scrutiny. "Anything else?" It looked for a couple second, then got off the mailbox, looking rather sad. "Okay, so there isn't any mail for us after all…" it turned to me.

"Cool. Can I do other things, now?"

"Well, there really isn't anything to do… If there were any rescue jobs, we'd get mail, but I guess nobody knows about us since we're so new!" it laughed. To be fair, it had a point.

"Awesome. You know, I see a few buildings off in the distance, so I really want to explore that instead of-" Suddenly, I heard a noise off in the distance. It sounded like a bird flying. A big bird.

I looked off in the general direction of the noise, and saw a giant pelican with a blue streak on the top of it. We were going to die. That's it, we're done. I started to flee into the home, knowing better than to engage it on open ground.

"Wait, Tony, it's just the mail Pelipper!" Male? I'm not interested.

It flew over to my mailbox, sat on top of it, shoved something into it with its beak, got up, then flew off. I got out of my house, realizing that it was the mail pelican, not the male pelican. Hey, you never know, maybe gay interspecies stuff is a thing here. Not like that's wrong or anything, at least the gay part, but it's just not my style.

I decided to go over to the mailbox, expecting the beetle… What was its name again? Ms. Peachy? Yeah, Ms. Peachy to grab the mail. Unfortunately, it just stared at me. Looked like I was gonna have to read that stuff. I got up to the mailbox, grabbing something inside. I swear if this thing barfed in my damn mailbox, there'd be hell to pay.

"Maybe it's a rescue job offer! What does it say?"

"Well let's see here," I pulled out the newspaper, sighed at my own ineptitude and pushed it back in. I grabbed another thing that I had not grabbed before and pulled it out. It was a pristine white envelope. How did the pelican manage not to get it wrinkled? I opened it as viciously as I could, utilizing what were my claws, I think, as letter openers. That was their only real redeeming quality besides the obvious 'I could kill someone with these' quality that everything has.

I pulled out a letter inside, and began reading aloud. It had chicken scratch on it. "BZZ BZZ BZZ," I began. I put it down and looked at Ms. Peachy incredulously. "Who the hell writes like this?"

"Keep reading!"

"Fine, god damn," I went back to the letter, which appeared to be in all caps. "I HEARD ABOUT YOU FROM CATERPIE. PLEASE, WE NEED YOUR HELP. MAGNEMITE IS IN TROUBLE." Who? "A STRANGE ELECTROMAGNETIC WAVE FLOWED THROUGH A DUNGEON AND IT STUCK TOGETHER MAGNEMITE AND MAGNEMITE," I took another glance at Ms. Peachy, who was reacting to every word I said. "There are three Magnemites here, dude, whatever the hell those are. I think this might be a hoax."

"No, no, Magnemite is a type of Pokemon. Keep going!"

"Okay," I sighed. "THAT ISN'T ENOUGH TO FORM A MAGNETON. IT'S NOT COMPLETE THE WAY IT IS NOW. PLEASE. WE NEED HELP." You certainly do, buddy. "BZZ BZZ BZZ. FROM MAGNEMITE'S FRIEND," I finished. "Well Magnemite's friend needs to learn how to write."

"Are you in a bad mood or something?"

"Yeah, kind of."

"I figured. One of these days, you're gonna be bright and peppy and it's going to be the best!"

"Sure, let's say that's how that's gonna happen."

"Well… Do you think we should go and help?" No, but do I really have that much of a choice? You gave me a house, so the least I could do is go help however this is. If I have to fight the mob, though, the job's off.

"Sure, let's go!" I replied as melodramatically as I could.

"Hey, that's the spirit! Let's do our best!" Ms. Peachy proceeded to pose. "Hey, aren't you gonna do it, too?"

"What, a pose?"

"Yeah!"

"Ha, no."

"Aww, come on…"

"No."

"I won't try to get you back for this morning if you do," Ms. Peachy said. Very tempting offer in truth.

"Nah."

"Come o-o-on." It emphasized every o there.

"Every second we waste posing and arguing is another second Magnemite is in trouble." Reverse psychology, bitch. Nobody can beat it.

It gasped. "You're right! Let's hurry!" It snapped out of the pose and began speeding off, me following in tow. I just wanted to check out the buildings, not go on another wacky adventure with what could be the most annoying companion in the world


End file.
